I have looked at opportunities to visit our Compassion children in the past as just out of reach for us financially. I was too worried about the money to even let myself *think* of being able to go. Now I have been abundantly blessed through the generosity of so many people that this trip to Tanzania is happening and I am surprised to find myself scared of it.
The Truth Has Come Out.
When I consider the huge scope of what will be in store for me when I get to Tanzania and seeing the depth of this poverty up close - Seeing it. Touching it. Smelling it. I am scared. And I have realized that I am afraid of how I will feel when I do see it. I think that in the past, blowing the opportunity off due to financial constraints has been an easy excuse. From God's point-of-view, the money is the easy part. I never would have believed that in the past but I'm seeing it and experiencing it now.
I also have realized that I have always felt myself unworthy of being chosen for such an opportunity. Surely, God has someone better equipped than me to accomplish this task he has in mind. I am wrestling with this one. It's brought a lot of self-doubt to the surface of my soul that I didn't even realize was there. I do not feel worthy of this blessing.
Every curve of this path to get me to go on this trip has been made straight. In 2 weeks, I have made $725 from bread sales alone. My church hometeam paid my deposit. This morning, I was handed $250 from an anonymous benefactor. By our estimations, I am only $500 away from being "paid in full". It's obvious that for God, it's not about the money.
I am in the midst of a huge spiritual growth spurt from just the process of trusting God to get me to Tanzania. He could have done all this trusting growth without taking me to Tanzania. I think the big lesson is going to come from that experience and I am quaking in my sandals. I am excited and scared all at the same time.
Please pray for me as I process this experience and glean from it all that God has to offer.
~~~Andrea
